By Marcia Sirota Author, speaker, coach and MD, The Huffington Post. 5/2/2017
Helicopter parents are in the news a lot these days. These are the parents who can't stop hovering around their kids. They practically wrap them in bubble wrap, creating a cohort of young adults who struggle to function in their jobs and lives. Helicopter parents think they're doing what's best for their kids, but they're actually hurting their kids' chances of success. In particular, they must improve their chances of landing and keeping a job. (Paragraph 1)
The thing about helicopter parents is that they don't want their kids to get hurt. They want to soften every blow and cushion every fall their kids may encounter. They want to save them from what they perceive to be the pain and suffering of daily life. The problem, however, is that these over-protected kids never learn how to deal with loss, failure, pain, and disappointment, inevitable aspects of everyone's life. Over-protection makes it nearly impossible for these young people to develop what psychologists call ‘frustration tolerance.’ Without this important psychological attribute, young people enter the workforce greatly disadvantaged. (Paragraph 2)
What is the problem with this parenting style?
The problem with helicopter parents is that they need to do more for their kids. This leads to young adults who grow up lacking healthy work ethics and the basic skills they need to survive in any organization. With this work ethic and these necessary skills, the young person can accomplish many of the expected workplace tasks. (Paragraph 3)
In addition, helicopter parents tend to over-protect their kids, depriving them of any meaningful consequence for their actions. As a result, they miss out on the opportunity to learn valuable life lessons from the mistakes they make which would contribute to their ongoing development and emotional intelligence. (Paragraph 4)
Unfortunately, helicopter parents prefer to protect their kids from any conflicts they might have with their peers, and when these kids grow up, as a consequence they not only expect to get their own way all of the time, but they are often unable to resolve difficulties between themselves and a colleague or supervisor. (Paragraph 5)
Psychologists and behavioural specialists firmly believe that people are only able to solve problems by trying things, making mistakes, learning, failing and then trying again. This process builds confidence, competence and self-worth. However, helicopter parents prevent their children from developing all of these important attributes which are necessary for career success. (Paragraph 6)
In addition to this, another characteristic of a helicopter parent is they believe their children should win at everything. They think that everyone who competes in a sports competition should get a trophy and all students should get a passing grade, even if their assignment is overdue or poorly conceived, yet in a functional workplace, there's only one winner of a competition, and only high-quality work is rewarded. If children grow up thinking that no matter what they do, they'll win, they won't realize that they actually have to work hard in order to succeed. (Paragraph 7)
These spoiled young people will be devastated when they keep losing competitions, blowing interviews or getting fired from their jobs. They will need to understand how much effort is actually required in order to be a winner in the work world. These young people need more competence and motivation from never having had to work through a problem or complete a project all by themselves. They expect others to do these things for them, just as their parents always have. In essence, they can't think or act for themselves. (Paragraph 8)
The biggest issue is that helicopter parenting instills a set of bad attitudes in kids. They grow up with great expectations of success, unrelated to how much time or energy they invest, and they feel deserving of preferential treatment, neither of which go over well with their colleagues or bosses. In a job interview, prospective employers might be put off by the overly entitled attitude of a young person, or be alarmed by their lack of basic skills. (Paragraph 9)
The young person's general aura of ignorance and incompetence, combined with expectations of immediate and substantial rewards unrelated to performance, are likely to deter any future employer. Even in smaller ways, helicopter parents cripple their kids. The adult child of helicopter parents might for example, take a coffee break and then walk out of the break room, needing to clean up their mess or wash out their cup. You can see how this would create resentment among their colleagues. (Paragraph 10)
These young people expect "someone" to clean up after them, in the same way that their mess was always cleaned up when they were kids. They don't see that there's no-one following them around anymore, cleaning up their mess, whether physical, interpersonal or professional. (Paragraph 11)
In an article by Barb Nefer, he explains that "millennials are getting hit hard by depression and that one in five young workers has experienced on-the-job depression, compared to only 16 per cent of Gen X." Nefer goes on to say that according to a report from Bensinger, DuPont & Associates, millennials have impaired functioning on the job and higher rates of absenteeism, as well as more conflict and incidents of getting written up," all of which "can impede job performance." (Paragraph 12)
According to an article by Brooke Donatone in the Washington Post (2013) written for the "Journal of Child and Family Studies”, college students who experienced helicopter parenting also reported higher levels of depression." The Washington Post article also reports that "intrusive parenting interferes with the development of autonomy and competence. So helicopter parenting leads to increased dependence and decreased ability to complete tasks without parental supervision." (Paragraph 13)
Sometimes the best way to "be there" for your child is not to be
Helicopter parenting is contributing to a growing rate of depression among young people as well as an inability to function optimally in the workplace. If you're a parent who wants your children to have career success as adults, you need to be aware of any tendencies toward helicopter parenting in yourself and your co-parent. (Paragraph 14)
Loving your child means guiding them, protecting them, and supporting them. It doesn't mean smothering, over-protecting, or doing so much for them that they never learn to think on their feet, cope with challenges, or deal with disappointment and failure. In fact, psychologists believe that the most loving thing you can do as a parent is take a step back and let your child fall down, flail about and figure things out on his or her own. Sometimes the best way to "be there" for your kid is not to be there for them. This is how you enable them to develop confidence, competence, self-worth, and emotional intelligence.
(Paragraph 15)
Young people today need parents who support them in becoming functioning adults. This means less hovering and bubble-wrapping of kids and more empowering them to do things for themselves, figure things out for themselves and learn how to cope with difficulties all by themselves. (Paragraph 16)
Helicopter parents are in the news a lot these days. These are the parents who can't stop hovering around their kids. They practically wrap them in bubble wrap, creating a cohort of young adults who struggle to function in their jobs and lives. Helicopter parents think they're doing what's best for their kids, but they're actually hurting their kids' chances of success. In particular, they must improve their chances of landing and keeping a job. (Paragraph 1)
The thing about helicopter parents is that they don't want their kids to get hurt. They want to soften every blow and cushion every fall their kids may encounter. They want to save them from what they perceive to be the pain and suffering of daily life. The problem, however, is that these over-protected kids never learn how to deal with loss, failure, pain, and disappointment, inevitable aspects of everyone's life. Over-protection makes it nearly impossible for these young people to develop what psychologists call ‘frustration tolerance.’ Without this important psychological attribute, young people enter the workforce greatly disadvantaged. (Paragraph 2)
What is the problem with this parenting style?
The problem with helicopter parents is that they need to do more for their kids. This leads to young adults who grow up lacking healthy work ethics and the basic skills they need to survive in any organization. With this work ethic and these necessary skills, the young person can accomplish many of the expected workplace tasks. (Paragraph 3)
In addition, helicopter parents tend to over-protect their kids, depriving them of any meaningful consequence for their actions. As a result, they miss out on the opportunity to learn valuable life lessons from the mistakes they make which would contribute to their ongoing development and emotional intelligence. (Paragraph 4)
Unfortunately, helicopter parents prefer to protect their kids from any conflicts they might have with their peers, and when these kids grow up, as a consequence they not only expect to get their own way all of the time, but they are often unable to resolve difficulties between themselves and a colleague or supervisor. (Paragraph 5)
Psychologists and behavioural specialists firmly believe that people are only able to solve problems by trying things, making mistakes, learning, failing and then trying again. This process builds confidence, competence and self-worth. However, helicopter parents prevent their children from developing all of these important attributes which are necessary for career success. (Paragraph 6)
In addition to this, another characteristic of a helicopter parent is they believe their children should win at everything. They think that everyone who competes in a sports competition should get a trophy and all students should get a passing grade, even if their assignment is overdue or poorly conceived, yet in a functional workplace, there's only one winner of a competition, and only high-quality work is rewarded. If children grow up thinking that no matter what they do, they'll win, they won't realize that they actually have to work hard in order to succeed. (Paragraph 7)
These spoiled young people will be devastated when they keep losing competitions, blowing interviews or getting fired from their jobs. They will need to understand how much effort is actually required in order to be a winner in the work world. These young people need more competence and motivation from never having had to work through a problem or complete a project all by themselves. They expect others to do these things for them, just as their parents always have. In essence, they can't think or act for themselves. (Paragraph 8)
The biggest issue is that helicopter parenting instills a set of bad attitudes in kids. They grow up with great expectations of success, unrelated to how much time or energy they invest, and they feel deserving of preferential treatment, neither of which go over well with their colleagues or bosses. In a job interview, prospective employers might be put off by the overly entitled attitude of a young person, or be alarmed by their lack of basic skills. (Paragraph 9)
The young person's general aura of ignorance and incompetence, combined with expectations of immediate and substantial rewards unrelated to performance, are likely to deter any future employer. Even in smaller ways, helicopter parents cripple their kids. The adult child of helicopter parents might for example, take a coffee break and then walk out of the break room, needing to clean up their mess or wash out their cup. You can see how this would create resentment among their colleagues. (Paragraph 10)
These young people expect "someone" to clean up after them, in the same way that their mess was always cleaned up when they were kids. They don't see that there's no-one following them around anymore, cleaning up their mess, whether physical, interpersonal or professional. (Paragraph 11)
In an article by Barb Nefer, he explains that "millennials are getting hit hard by depression and that one in five young workers has experienced on-the-job depression, compared to only 16 per cent of Gen X." Nefer goes on to say that according to a report from Bensinger, DuPont & Associates, millennials have impaired functioning on the job and higher rates of absenteeism, as well as more conflict and incidents of getting written up," all of which "can impede job performance." (Paragraph 12)
According to an article by Brooke Donatone in the Washington Post (2013) written for the "Journal of Child and Family Studies”, college students who experienced helicopter parenting also reported higher levels of depression." The Washington Post article also reports that "intrusive parenting interferes with the development of autonomy and competence. So helicopter parenting leads to increased dependence and decreased ability to complete tasks without parental supervision." (Paragraph 13)
Sometimes the best way to "be there" for your child is not to be
Helicopter parenting is contributing to a growing rate of depression among young people as well as an inability to function optimally in the workplace. If you're a parent who wants your children to have career success as adults, you need to be aware of any tendencies toward helicopter parenting in yourself and your co-parent. (Paragraph 14)
Loving your child means guiding them, protecting them, and supporting them. It doesn't mean smothering, over-protecting, or doing so much for them that they never learn to think on their feet, cope with challenges, or deal with disappointment and failure. In fact, psychologists believe that the most loving thing you can do as a parent is take a step back and let your child fall down, flail about and figure things out on his or her own. Sometimes the best way to "be there" for your kid is not to be there for them. This is how you enable them to develop confidence, competence, self-worth, and emotional intelligence.
(Paragraph 15)
Young people today need parents who support them in becoming functioning adults. This means less hovering and bubble-wrapping of kids and more empowering them to do things for themselves, figure things out for themselves and learn how to cope with difficulties all by themselves. (Paragraph 16)
